Steven Seagal's penis knows aikido, but can't have an erection.
Steven Segal tried a roundhouse kick and kicked his own ass.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.
The father's name of Zlatan is Zlatan Junior.
The Kracken in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is not a mythical sea creature, but instead David Hasselhoff's chest hair trying to make a career comeback after being left to die alone in the ocean when Baywatch stopped filming.
The only thing scarier than Steven Seagal without Botox is Steven Seagal WITH a record deal.
The reason people tore down the Berlin wall was to get away from David Hasselhoff's singing.
There used to be a street in Sweden named after Zlatan but it had to be changed because nobody crosses Zlatan and lives.
When Alexander Graham Bell created the telephone, he already had three missed calls from Zlatan.
When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
When David Hasselhoff goes to the gym he only beefs up his balls.
When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets David instead.
When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
When he was 10yrs, Zlatan decided to live by himself. And his parents just moved to another house.
When Jean Claude Van Damme jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
When Mark Zukerberg created Facebook he already had a friend request waiting from Zlatan.
When someone eats a hamburger, Steven Seagal eats two.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide.
When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
When we need to find something, we ask Google. When Google needs to find something, it asks Zlatan.
When Zlatan crosses the street, cars look both ways.
When Zlatan goes to your place to visit you, you're the guest.
When Zlatan was young, his parents used to sleep on his bed when they were scared.
When Zlatan works out he doesn't get stronger, the machine does.
Whenever Zlatan goes to a wedding, he is always the best man.
While in Tibet, Steven Seagal learned how to kill a man with such devices as a remote control and a bologne sandwich.
While Steven Seagal was in Thailand he learned to eat and shit while levitating.
You cannot use the term 'Zlatan' as a password, it comes up with the error "too strong'.
Zlatan beat Mona Lisa in a staring competition.
Zlatan can cut through a hot knife with butter.
Zlatan can rip a page out of Facebook.
Zlatan does not draw teams in the Champions League, teams draw Zlatan.
Zlatan does not get wet, it is water that Zlatans.
Zlatan does not pay attention, attention pays him.
Zlatan does not walk, the earth moves beneath his feet.
Zlatan doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Zlatan doesn't go to the referee, the referee goes to Zlatan.
Zlatan doesn't have hair on his testicles because hair can't grow on steel.
Zlatan doesn't make left turns, because everything he does is right.
Zlatan gamil account gmail@zlatan.com.
Zlatan helped the nurses when he was born.
Zlatan lost his virginity even before his parents.
Zlatan makes onions cry.
Zlatan never lies. The truth is what is wrong.
Zlatan plead guilty to murder and was acquitted.
Zlatan starts a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Zlatan wakes up his alarm clock every morning.
Zlatan was approached to star in Mission Impossible. But he refused because he found the title insulting.
Zlatan's keyboard doesn't have a question mark, Zlatan only has answers.
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