Are you ready for some action-packed laughs? Look no further! This collection of Steven Seagal jokes is perfect for all fans of the martial arts action hero. Get ready to chuckle with the silliest, corniest, and funniest jokes about the famous actor. With quotes, riddles, oneliners and puns, this collection is sure to delight and entertain everyone who loves awesome celebrity jokes. Whether you're a fan, fanatic, follower, or groupie, these jokes will have you rolling on the floor with laughter. Don't miss out on the fun – check out this hilarious collection of Steven Seagal jokes now!
Back to MovieA woman once tried to make fun of Steven Seagal's weight in bed. She now has 20 children that are fat and know aikido.
If a diet was a person, Steven Seagal would kill it.
If there are left-overs after he eats, Steven Seagal doesn't throw them, he eats them.
Once there used to be pie in this world, but then Steven Seagal came along.
Steven Seagal can meditate and eat at the same time.
Steven Seagal doesn't have a mood when he eats the most. He always eats the most.
Steven Seagal doesn't have favorite food. He eats everything.
Steven Seagal eats 5 trucks of food a day.
Steven Seagal has his own harem.
Steven Seagal is actually the owner of all fast food restaurants across the world.
Steven Seagal is an undefeated champion of the world pie eating competition. His record is eating 500 pies in one hour.
Steven Seagal looks mad, always, because he got his ass spanked by Steven Hawking.
Steven Seagal once took a swing at Chuck Norris. Seagal now runs like a girl in ever film he's in.
Steven Seagal only knows one joke.
It goes: "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Jean Claude Van Damme."
"Jean Claude Van Damme who?"
"Yeah, I think he sucks too."
Steven Seagal only sleeps when having sex.
Steven Seagal wanted to be a stunt double for King Kong but was rejected for being too fat.
Steven Seagal's belly can repel cannon balls.
Steven Seagal's penis knows aikido, but can't have an erection.
Steven Segal tried a roundhouse kick and kicked his own ass.
The only thing scarier than Steven Seagal without Botox is Steven Seagal WITH a record deal.
What diet is Steven Seagal on?Answer: Aketo
What's the most dangerous thing about Steven Seagal?Answer: His cholesterol level
When someone eats a hamburger, Steven Seagal eats two.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide.
When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
While in Tibet, Steven Seagal learned how to kill a man with such devices as a remote control and a bologne sandwich.
While Steven Seagal was in Thailand he learned to eat and shit while levitating.
Who do you think would win in a dance-off, Chuck Norris or David Hasselhoff?Answer: None. Chuck Norris can’t stand to see David Hasselhoff’s chest hair and both would consider it a contest for whimps. That would pave the way for Vanilla Ice winning against Steven Segal.
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