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Socrates Jokes

Socrates, the Greek philosopher, may have been long gone, but his wit and wisdom live on! And what better way to enjoy his legacy than with a hilarious collection of Socrates jokes? Here, you'll find a great assortment of silly, corny, and funny jokes about one of the most celebrated philosophers in history. Whether you're a die-hard Socrates fan, a philosophy enthusiast, or just someone who loves a good laugh, this collection has something for everyone. From clever one-liners to hilarious riddles, this collection is sure to keep you entertained for hours. So, come and explore the world of Socrates with a smile on your face - after all, jokes are fun!

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Showing all 15 Socrates jokes

Did you know Socrates wasn't heterosexual?
Do you want to hear a joke about Socrates?
Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear or are about to repeat a rumor.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said,

"Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Test of Three?"

"That's correct," Socrates continued.

"Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness.

Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Socrates who?
You're on the jury!
Socrates told us to question everything...
But why should we question everything?
Socrates: Define, for me, a punch line.

Hippias: A punch line is at the end of a joke.

Socrates: Is it a punch line simply by virtue of being at the end of said joke?

Hippias: No, it must be an unexpected statement.

Socrates: Ah, but if you know that the punch line is about to arrive, how can it be unexpected?

Hippias: True. Therefore, there can be no punch line to any joke, for such a punch line is always to be expected.

Socrates: Exactly. Last night the exact same logical conclusion was told to me by your mother, while we had intercourse.
Teacher: "What have you all chosen for your thesis?"
Hippocrates: "I'm laying the ground work for centuries of modern medicine."
Socrates: "I am examining what it means to be."
Ptolemy: "Uh you guys ever uh notice how those stars look like a bear?"
To do is to be - Socrates

To be is to do - Plato

Do be do be do - Sinatra
What did Socrates' dentist study?
What do philosophers call soccer tee shirts?
What relative did Socrates need after his trial?

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