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Football Jokes

Looking for some laughs with your favorite celebrities and football players? Look no further than our collection of silly and corny Football jokes! Whether you're a die-hard fan or just love a good punchline, our collection has something for everyone. You'll find hilarious jokes about football legends, famous teams, and even some surprising moments on the field. So get ready to score some laughs with our collection of the best Football jokes, including quotes, riddles, oneliners, and puns about the game we all love. Get your game face on and enjoy the fun!

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Showing all 11 football jokes

A father and son were eating breakfast. The father's newspaper had the headline, "Van Gogh sold for £8 million".

The son asked "Is he worth it, Dad?"

The father, surprised at his son's interest in fine art, replied "I suppose so, son. Why do you ask?"

The son said "Well, Liverpool paid more than that for Stan Collymore, and he was crap."
Cristiano Ronaldo goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, every time I look in the mirror, I get turned on.”

The doctor says, “I’m not surprised - you’re a cunt!”
I hate the auto-correct feature on my phone.
Every time I try to type ‘cunt’ it changes it to Jose Mourinho.
Ronaldo: Hey Messi!
Messi: What?
Ronaldo: Do you have a body like mine?
Messi: No
Ronaldo:As expected. Do you have a sexy wife like mine?
Messi: Nope...but hey Ronaldo...
Ronaldo: What?
Messi: Do you have more awards than me?
Ronaldo: *cry* no
So Rooney has announced his immediate retirement.

Which begs the question….

Who the fuck is going to star in Shrek 5?
Steve Bruce signed a new superkid from foreign parts. On the first day of training, Steve Bruce gets a ball a says, “You get this and kick it at the goal.” The new superkid looks a bit bewildered but carries on nonetheless.

The next day of training same thing happened. Steve Bruce says, “You get this and score a goal.” Again the kid looks bewildered but carries on.

The third day, the same thing: “You get this and score a goal.” Finally the foreign superkid gets up and says, “Boss, I speak very good English and know what to do.”

Steve Bruce says, “Sit down son, I'm talking to Heskey!”
What brand of shoes does Neymar wear?
What's the simularity between Figo and Rod Stewart?
What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and Whitney Houston?
Which is the favorite Beatles song of Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo?
Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas?

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