Adam and Eve Jokes

A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman argued about Adam's nationality.

The Frenchman said, "Of course Adam was French. Look how passionately he made love to Eve!"

The Englishman said, "Of course Adam was British. Look how he gave his only apple to the lady, like a real gentleman."

The Russian said, "Of course Adam only could be Russian. Who else, possessing nothing but a sole apple, and walking with a naked ass, still believed he was in a paradise?"

God and Adam Are Discussing Women…

Adam says to God, “God, why did you make women so soft?”

God says, “So that you will like them.”

Adam says, “God, why did you make women so warm and cuddly?”

God says, “So that you will like them.”

Adam says to God, “But, God, why did you make them so stupid?”

God says, “So that they will like you.”

Adam was in the Garden of Eden and was very very lonely. So God decides to build him a friend and lover. He decides to call it a "Woman". So he sets out to work but realizes he'll need to borrow a few parts from Adam, so he goes to Adam and explains the situation. God says "I'll build the perfect companion, she'll cook, clean, take care of your every wish and need and will never nag or complain or be angry at you for no reason. It'll only cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam says "But I need my arm and leg... what can I get for just a rib?"

And the rest is history...

Did you know baseball was played in the Old Testament?

Answer: In the big inning, Adam took one, Eve took one, and the Lord threw them both out.

Did you know the first baseball game was held in the Garden of Eden?

Answer: Eve stole first, Adam stole second, and Abel struck out.

In the beginning...

After a few days, the Lord called Adam to him, and said, "It's ime for you and Eve to begin the process of popultating the Earth, so I want you to start kissing Eve."

Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is 'kiss'?"

So the Lord gave Adam a brief description to Adam, who took Eve by the hand, and took her behind a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emereged, and said, "Lord, that was enjoyable."

And the Lord replied, "Yes, Adam, I thought you might enjoy that, and now I'd like you to caress Eve."

And Adam said, "Yes Lord, but what is 'caress'?"

So the Lord again gave Adam a brief instruction, and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss."

And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam."

"And now I want you to make love to Eve."

And Adam said, "Yes Lord, but what is 'making love'?"

So the Lord again gave Adam direction, and Adam again went to Eve, behind the bush. But this time he reappered in two seconds

And Adam said, "Lord, what's a 'headache'"

One day God came to Adam for a brief discussion.

"I've got some good news and some bad news." God said.

Adam looked thoughtfully at his maker and replied,

"Please give me the good news first." Smiling, God explained,

"I've created two new organs for you. One is called a brain.

This organ will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and carry on productive conversations with Eve.

The other organ is called a penis.

It will allow you to reproduce your intelligent life form and begin populating the planet.

Eve will be very pleased that you are now equipped with this organ as she will be able to conceive children." Adam, very excited, exclaimed,

"These are great and wonderful gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" God then looked upon Adam, and said with great sorrow, "

The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."

Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly.

The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him.

"Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."

So God creates Adam and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.

God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."

God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."

Adam hesitates..

"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.

God responds "An arm and a leg."

Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"

Three Nuns and St. Peter

There were three nuns driving down a highway one day when they lost control of their car and plunged off a cliff.

They awoke and found themselves standing before the pearly gates. St. Peter walked toward them and, after greeting them, told them that they would have to answer one question each before they were admitted to the kingdom of heaven.

This made the nuns very nervous. They had never heard of this requirement before. Finally, one nun stepped forward and said, "St. Peter, I'm ready for my question."

St. Peter replied, "Your question is: Who was the first man on earth?"

The nun breathed a huge sigh of relief, and said, "Why, it was Adam."

(And the lights flashed, the bells tolled, and the gates of heaven opened)

This was a cause of great relief to the remaining nuns. The second stepped forward without hesitation.

St. Peter said, "And you must tell me who the first woman on earth was."

Another great sigh of relief, "Eve" the nun replied.

(And the lights flashed, the bells tolled, and the gates of heaven opened)

The third was brimming with excitement. "I'm ready St. Peter!"

St. Peter said, "All right, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"

The nun was shocked. "My goodness, that's a hard one."

(And the lights flashed, the bells tolled, and the gates of heaven opened)

What comes before Christmas Eve?

Answer: Christmas Adam!

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

Show answer

Answer: It's Christmas, Eve!

What did Adam say to Eve?

Answer: Stand back. I don’t know how big this thing’s gonna grow.

What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?

Answer: Stand back .... I don't know how big this thing is going to grow!

What was the world's first palindrome?

Answer: Madam, I'm Adam.

Who invented the first soft drink?

Answer: Adam. He made Eve's cherry pop.

Why did Eve want to move to New York?

Answer: She fell for the Big Apple!

You know what Adam said to Eve? "Watch out, I don’t know how big this gets."