Dolly Parton Jokes

Did you hear that Dolly Parton had a baby?

Answer: She made the mistake of breast feeding it and it exploded.

Did you see Dolly Parton's new shoes?

Answer: Neither did she.

Dolly Parton and Lady Di arrive at the Pearly Gates. Unfortunately, it is the end of the month and there's only room for one more person. So St. Peter tell them that they have to do something to prove that they belong in the last spot. Dolly opens her blouse, reveals her ample breasts and figures that that should be enough to get her in. Lady Di lifts up her dress, take a Massingail's out of her purse and douches herself right there and then.

St. Peter, highly confused, tell both ladies to wait and goes back in to talk it over with God. When he comes back, he lets in Lady Di. Dolly is livid:
"You mean to tell me I show you these woderful works of art and you let in the womon who did that digusting act?"
"Dolly," St. Peter replies, "you should know better: a royal flush beats a pair any day."

How can you spot Dolly pardon's children in a crowd?

Answer: They're the ones with stretch marks on their lips.

How can you tell if a kid is Dolly Parton's?

Answer: They are the ones with stretch marks around their lips.

How did Dolly Parton dress for halloween?

Answer: She put on an orange body stocking and went as a bag of pumpkins.

How did Dolly Parton get her name?

Answer: From watching policewomen demonstrate sex dolls at the station.

How did Dolly Parton get her start?

Answer: Jug band

How did Dolly Parton get two black eyes?

Answer: She went jogging.

How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?

Answer: When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide one among them. St. Peter asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven.

So she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please him if He's able to see them every day for eternity."

St. Peter thanks Dolly, and asks Queen Liz the same question. She then drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it. St. Peter says, "Ok, Your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own creations, she performs a disgusting, hygiene act, and gets in and I don't?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says St. Peter, "but a royal flush beats a pair any day."

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a douche bottle and douches herself.

St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest.

St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.

What did Bob Hope sing after Dolly Parton appeared on his show?

Answer: Thanks for the mammaries.

What do you call Dolly Parton lying down in the bathtub?

Answer: Islands in the stream

What do you call the sweat on Dolly Parton's tits?

Answer: Mountain Dew

What do you get when you put Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Dolly Parton together?

Answer: Two big boobs and a country western singer...

What's better, Princess Di douching or Dolly Parton's boobs?

Answer: Well, a royal flush beats a pair.

When did Arnold Schwarzeneger realize he was getting a little over-developed?

Answer: When he found out he was giving Dolly Parton an inferiority complex.

Why are Dolly Parton's teeth rotting away?

Answer: Her dentist can't reach them.

Why does Dolly Parton have such tiny feet?

Answer: Nothing grows in the shade.

Why does Dolly Parton wear such a big wig?

Answer: She stores extra bras under there.

Why does nissan make Dolly Parton's bra?

Answer: They are the only manufacturer of the 280-z.

Why doesn't Dolly Parton's husband want any kids?

Answer: He already has his hands full.

Why is Dolly Parton jealous of Washington D.C.?

Answer: It has the two biggest boobs in the world, Clinton and Gore.

You are in a room that has 2 keyholes. through the first you can watch Dolly Parton undress, through the second you can watch rincess Di douche. the question is, which keyhole should you look through?

Answer: Dianna's, because a royal flush beats a pair.