Al Gore Jokes

After 40 years, Al and Tipper Gore have split up. Nobody knows why, but there is a rumor today that Al came home early last week and found another man's carbon footprints.

Al Gore and his wife, longtime married couple, are separating. Tipper Gore. And they may get a divorce. Apparently what happened, they experienced global cooling.

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

Al Gore has won an Academy award. He's won an Emmy award. And now, he's won the Nobel prize. But what he really wants is the Latin Grammy.

Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in urine was "The president must go."

Bill Clinton storms into his office and demaned to know who did it.

So his two body guards run out to find out who it was.

Five hours later the two gaurds come back in, they told Bill, "We have some bad news, and we have worse news."

"What is the bad news?" asked Bill.

"Well, the bad news is, we took a urine test, and it was his vice-president, Al Gore."

"Whats the worst news?" asked Bill.

"The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"

Bush and Gore were sitting in a restaurant to discuss the craziness of the election. When the waitress came to take their orders, Gore said, "I'll take the steak." When she asked Bush, he said, "I'll take the quicky." Gore motioned for the waitress to come closer, and whispered into her ear "He means the quiche."

David Hasselhoff had sex with Al Gore's mother, thus, making him the real creator of the internet.

Did You hear about the Nobel Peace Prize won by Al Gore?

Answer: In a stunning reversal, the Supreme Court awarded it to George Bush.

Gore calls up Bush and says, "Hey, let's settle this Australian Style."

Bush asks, "How's that?"

Gore says, "First you stand there, and I kick you in the nuts as hard as I can." Then it's your turn. Whoever quits first is the loser.

Bush says, "OK, stands there," and is completely knocked over by Gore.

After 10 minutes, Bush stands up, and groans, "Alright, my turn."

Gore then replies, "It's all right, you can be president."

How bad is a Floyd Mayweather meltdown?

Answer: So bad Al Gore is making a documentary about it!

How bad is Charlie Sheen's meltdown?

Answer: So bad Al Gore is making a documentary about it!

How can you spot Al Gore in a bunch of Secret Service agents?

Answer: He’s the stiff one.

How do you describe how Al Gore plays drums?

Answer: Al-Gore-rhythms!

How does Al Gore get to sleep?

Answer: He counts ballot papers.

How was Bill Clinton able to maintain a steady surplus during his presidency?

Answer: He had a great Al Gore rhythm.

I just invented a mathematical equation to solve climate change! It’s an Al Gore ithm.

What do Elvis Presley and Al Gore have in common?

Answer: They've both been reported alive recently.

What do Gore and Pantyhose have in common?

Answer: They both irritate Bush!

What do you call a sequence of dance moves made by Al Gore?

Answer: An algorithm.

What do you call Al Gore when he's dancing?

Answer: Algorithm

What do you get when you put Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Dolly Parton together?

Answer: Two big boobs and a country western singer...

What were the three toughest years in Al Gore’s life?

Answer: Grade six.

What's the difference between Al Gore and Sonny Bono?

Answer: One's a tree-hugging stiff... and the other's a tree-hugging stiff.

What’s the difference between Al Gore and Socialism?

Answer: He uses the phrase Social Entitlements instead.

What’s the only thing that’s less exciting than hearing Al Gore speak?

Answer: Watching Roseanne Arnold get undressed.

Why did Moses vote for Al Gore?

Answer: Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.

Why is Al Gore so commited to protecting the environment?

Answer: On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, the next day Al Gore was born….draw your own conclusion.

Why is Dolly Parton jealous of Washington D.C.?

Answer: It has the two biggest boobs in the world, Clinton and Gore.

You know how I know Al Gore invented the Internet?

Answer: The whole thing runs on algorithms.