Elvis Presley Jokes

A drunken Elvis bumped into a building and started cursing it out. His bodyguard, Red West, pulled Elvis away, and said to the startled crowd, "Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has lipped the building".

Did you know Elvis was a big fan of Chicken Strips?

Answer: He even wrote a song about them called “Love Me Tender”.

Elvis Presley is overrated, the man couldn’t even spell.
It’s L for Las Vegas, not V.

Elvis Presley, Richard Petty, Budweiser, and Michael Jackson all call Chuck Norris "The King".

How was Elvis like a pirate?

Answer: He was a terror on the high C’s.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Jerry comes to his senses right after his death, looks around and sees that he is in the midst of rock music's late great ones: Jimi Hendix, Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, and many more. He even sees his old friend Pigpen. So Jerry walks up to him and after their initial greetings says, "This is fantastic, man! I never thought heaven would be like this, spending all of eternity playing music with all the great ones!" Pigpen looks up at Jerry and says, "What? You mean you think you're in heaven?" Just then, Karen Carpenter appears on stage, takes the microphone, and says, "Alright now, one more time until you get it right: 'Close to you.'"

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Elvis!
Elvis who?
Elvis-eeing you around soon, macaroon!

Knock, knock!
Who's There?
Elvis!
Elvis who?
Elvis has left the building.

That's my idol, Elvis Presley. If you went to my house, you`d see pictures all over of Elvis. He's just the greatest entertainer that ever lived. And I think it's because he had such presence. When Elvis walked into a room, Elvis Presley was in the fucking room. I don't give a fuck who was in the room with him, Bogart, Marilyn Monroe.

What did Elvis say after he was bitten my a vampire?

Answer: Fang you, Fang you very much!

What did Elvis say when his classmate punched him?

Answer: Don’t be cruel.

What did the singer say when he won the lottery?

Answer: El-vis must be my lucky day.

What do Elvis Presley and Al Gore have in common?

Answer: They've both been reported alive recently.

What do you call the king of vegetables?

Answer: Elvis Parsley

What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?

Answer: Elvis has been sighted!

What was Elvis doing at the beach?

Answer: Going to a clambake.

What was Elvis Presley's last greatest hit?

Answer: The bathroom floor.

What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today?

Answer: Scratching like hell to get out of that box.

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Answer: Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

What's green and sings?

Answer: Elvis Parsely

What's stiff and excites women?

Answer: Elvis Presley

What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?

Answer: Elvis has been sighted.

Where wouldn’t Elvis ever stay on Valentine’s Day?

Answer: The Heartbreak Hotel.

Which elf was the best singer?

Answer: ELFis Presley

Which movie did Elvis like most?

Answer: King Kong

Which singer do salmon like to listen to?

Answer: Elfish Presley

Who is the best singer in the garden?

Answer: Elvis Parsely

Why couldn’t Elvis’s neighbors sleep at night?

Answer: His houndog was crying all the time.

Why did Bugs Bunny move next door to Elvis?

Answer: He knew his houndog had never caught a rabbit.

Why wasn’t Elvis still on stage when the fan got to the show?

Answer: Elvis had left the building.