Madonna Jokes

Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. Madonna does not have one. And a priest does not use his. What is it?

Answer: A last name.

Did you hear about Madonna's more modest work in her new videos?

Answer: Neither did we.

Did you hear about the Madonna blow-up doll?

Answer: It's so realistic...the ego inflates itself!

Did you hear that Shakira and Madonna had a big fight?

Answer: They're no longer on a first-name basis.

Doesn't it seem ironic that Madonna actually sang, "Like a Virgin"?

That's like a vegetarian who scarfs hamburgers...

Doesn't it seem ironic that Madonna actually sang, "Like a Virgin"?

Answer: That's like a vegetarian who scarfs hamburgers...

Have you heard that Madonna has donated $250,000 to Haiti?

Answer: It's a down payment on her next child!

How does Madonna spell "art"?

Answer: M-O-N-E-Y

How would Madonna cure her kids of bedwetting?

Answer: She'd buy them an electric blanket.

How's Madonna similar to breakfast pastries?

Answer: They're both pop tarts.

It's just been announced they are putting Madonna on a stamp. The stamp has a very special feature -- after you lick it, it licks you back.

Madonna is so hairy. When she lifted her arm, I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

Madonna is trying to get Spice Girls back together. Only condition is she gets to join them. They gonna call her Old Spice.

Madonna said that she didn't care if it is a boy or a girl, just as long as it was bisexual.

Madonna was trying to measure a flag pole. She only had a measuring tape, and she was getting frustrated trying to slide the tape up the pole. Stephen Spielberg walks by and offers to help. He removes the pole from the ground, lays it down, and measures it easily. When he leaves, Madonna turns to Guy Ritchie and says, “That’s just like Spielberg! We need to know its height, and he gives us its length!”

Schwarzenegger has it long, Brad Pitt short, Madonna does not have it and the Pope does not use it. What is it?

Answer: A surname.

Someone has to tell Madonna that Africans aren't Pokemon, she can't catch 'em all.

What are the chances of Madonna being named "Mother of the Year?"

Answer: About the same as Michael Jackson becoming a Big Brother.

What do Madonna's left leg & right leg have in common?

Answer: Nothing. They've never met.

What do you get when Madonna is in a convertible?

Answer: A top that comes down easily.

What do you get when you suck all of the Botox out of Madonna?

Answer: Betty White

What does Madonna consider formal wear?

Answer: Any time her tits are inside her dress.

What is the difference between a Madonna video and a porno flick?

Answer: Some pornos actually have good sound tracks.

What is the difference between Madonna and E.T.?

Answer: One's an inarticulate monster and the other's a fictional character in a Steven Spielberg film.

What's the best way to spot Madonna in Malawi while on holiday?

Answer: Book a hotel near an orphanage!

What's the difference between a used car, Madonna and Bob Dole?

Answer: One's an old Dart, one's an old tart, and the other is an old fart.

What's the difference between Jesus and Madonna?

Answer: Jesus was only resurrected once.

What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?

Answer: One's a busy ditch.

What's the new documentary about Madonna going to be called?

Answer: Missionary Position Impossible.

Why are Madonna’s sexual inhibitions like safe nuclear power?

Answer: Neither exists!

Why does Madonna and Alex Rodriguez make a good couple?

Answer: They go well together since he hit 50 the same year she did!

Why is Madonna filming a concert in Australia?

Answer: She likes to perform down under.

Why is Warren Beatty like Joseph of Nazareth?

Answer: They both fucked a Madonna.