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Joan Rivers Jokes

Here you will find a great collection of silly, corny and funny Joan Rivers Jokes for fans, fanatics, followers, groupies and everyone else who likes awesome celebrity jokes. This funny collection of the best jokes about the famous Joan Rivers can also contain quotes, riddles, oneliners and puns about the celebrity. Jokes are fun!

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Showing all 15 Joan Rivers jokes

Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers
I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him.
Joan Rivers
I was dating a football player. He was so dumb. The man could not count to 21 unless he was naked.
Joan Rivers
I wish I had a twin so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
If I were to see three people that make tons of money and have no talent, I would not watch you guys, I'd watch the Kardashians.
Joan Rivers

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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die, they will donate my body to Tupperware.
Joan Rivers
Madonna is so hairy. When she lifted her arm, I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.
Joan Rivers
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Joan Rivers
My vagina is like Newark. Men know it's there, but they don't want to visit.
Joan Rivers
People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Joan Rivers
RIP Joan Rivers. She was 80 years old. Her nose was 31, and her lips sadly were only 22. So young!
You want to get Cindy Crawford confused? Ask her to spell ‘mum’ backwards.
Joan Rivers

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