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Quote Jokes

Here you will find a great collection of silly, corny and funny quote jokes about celebrities that suits all celebrity lovers, fans, fanatics, followers, groupies and everyone else who likes amazing celebrity jokes. This funny collection of the best quote jokes can also contain quotes, riddles, oneliners and puns about the quote. Jokes are fun!

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Showing jokes 1 to 25 of 63 quote jokes

A joke is a very serious thing.
Winston S. Churchill
After 40 years, Al and Tipper Gore have split up. Nobody knows why, but there is a rumor today that Al came home early last week and found another man's carbon footprints.
Bill Maher
After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, 'Tell me who the other nominees are — and I will eliminate them.'
Conan O'Brien
Al Gore and his wife, longtime married couple, are separating. Tipper Gore. And they may get a divorce. Apparently what happened, they experienced global cooling.
David Letterman
Al Gore has won an Academy award. He's won an Emmy award. And now, he's won the Nobel prize. But what he really wants is the Latin Grammy.
David Letterman
Charlie and I have quite a bit in common. We both love porn, we've both done a ton of drugs and neither of us are actors.
Steve-O
Chelsea Clinton recently said that when her mom traveled, she would leave a note for her every day that she was gone.

Though every day the note just read, 'Keep an eye on your father.'
Jimmy Fallon

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David Cameron announced he is stepping down in the wake of a vote, which should make me happy, but it doesn’t. It’s like catching an ice cream cone out of the air, because a child has been hit by a car. I’ll eat it! But it’s tainted somehow.
John Oliver
Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers
First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we’ve realized it’s a brochure.
Douglas Adams
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. His hands can't hit what his eyes can't see. Now you see me, now you don't. George thinks he will, but I know he won't.
Muhammad Ali
Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank.
Jay Leno
How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.
Muhammad Ali
I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers

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I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him.
Joan Rivers
I want your heart, I want to eat your children.
Mike Tyson
I was dating a football player. He was so dumb. The man could not count to 21 unless he was naked.
Joan Rivers
I wish I had a twin so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
I'm 80. You're (46). How come we look like we went to high school together?
William Shatner
I'm a big fan of Courtney Love. I love Hole and I love her acting and I love her attitude. I just hope I never meet her in a dark alley.
Jeff Ross
I'm from a little place called England..we used to run the world before you.
Ricky Gervais

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I'm such a blonde. It just doesn't make sense for me to have dark hair.
Jessica Simpson
I'm young; I'm handsome; I'm fast. I can't possibly be beat.
Muhammad Ali

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