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Quote Jokes

Get ready to laugh out loud with our hilarious collection of quotes about celebrities! Whether you're a die-hard fan, a casual follower, or just someone who appreciates a good joke, we've got you covered. Our collection includes the wittiest and most entertaining quotes about your favorite celebrities, with a side of silly, corny and funny jokes, riddles, oneliners and puns about the quote itself. So, what are you waiting for? Come and enjoy some laughs with our amazing celebrity quote collection. Because as we always say, jokes are fun!

Find more inspiring and motivational quotes at Quote of the Day!

Showing jokes 1 to 50 of 63 quote jokes

A joke is a very serious thing.
Winston S. Churchill
After 40 years, Al and Tipper Gore have split up. Nobody knows why, but there is a rumor today that Al came home early last week and found another man's carbon footprints.
Bill Maher
After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, 'Tell me who the other nominees are — and I will eliminate them.'
Conan O'Brien
Al Gore and his wife, longtime married couple, are separating. Tipper Gore. And they may get a divorce. Apparently what happened, they experienced global cooling.
David Letterman
Al Gore has won an Academy award. He's won an Emmy award. And now, he's won the Nobel prize. But what he really wants is the Latin Grammy.
David Letterman
Charlie and I have quite a bit in common. We both love porn, we've both done a ton of drugs and neither of us are actors.
Chelsea Clinton recently said that when her mom traveled, she would leave a note for her every day that she was gone.

Though every day the note just read, 'Keep an eye on your father.'
Jimmy Fallon
David Cameron announced he is stepping down in the wake of a vote, which should make me happy, but it doesn’t. It’s like catching an ice cream cone out of the air, because a child has been hit by a car. I’ll eat it! But it’s tainted somehow.
John Oliver
Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers
First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we’ve realized it’s a brochure.
Douglas Adams
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. His hands can't hit what his eyes can't see. Now you see me, now you don't. George thinks he will, but I know he won't.
Muhammad Ali

More funny quote Jokes below

Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank.
Jay Leno
How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.
Muhammad Ali
I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him.
Joan Rivers
I want your heart, I want to eat your children.
Mike Tyson
I was dating a football player. He was so dumb. The man could not count to 21 unless he was naked.
Joan Rivers
I wish I had a twin so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
I'm 80. You're (46). How come we look like we went to high school together?
William Shatner
I'm a big fan of Courtney Love. I love Hole and I love her acting and I love her attitude. I just hope I never meet her in a dark alley.
Jeff Ross
I'm from a little place called England..we used to run the world before you.
Ricky Gervais
I'm such a blonde. It just doesn't make sense for me to have dark hair.
Jessica Simpson
I'm young; I'm handsome; I'm fast. I can't possibly be beat.
Muhammad Ali
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
W.C. Fields
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
Jay Leno
If I were to see three people that make tons of money and have no talent, I would not watch you guys, I'd watch the Kardashians.
Joan Rivers
If you pray about it don't worry about it. If you're going to worry about it don't pray about it.
Steve Harvey
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die, they will donate my body to Tupperware.
Joan Rivers
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
Jimi Hendrix
Live everyday as if it were your last because someday you're going to be right.
Muhammad Ali
Madonna is so hairy. When she lifted her arm, I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.
Joan Rivers
Martin Scorsese said the Marvel films remind him of theme parks. I don't know what he's doing hanging around theme parks - he's not big enough to go on the rides.
Ricky Gervais
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Joan Rivers
My vagina is like Newark. Men know it's there, but they don't want to visit.
Joan Rivers
Never look at the trombones, it only encourages them.
Richard Strauss
On Friday, Russian President Vladimir Putin said gay people at the Olympics should not fear for their safety despite the country's anti-gay laws. He said they should fear for their safety because they're in Russia.
Jimmy Fallon
People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Joan Rivers
President Obama is trying to get Vladimir Putin to scale back Russia's nuclear arsenal. But it's not a good time. Putin just got a divorce. He just lost half his stuff. And his wife gets to use the Kremlin on weekends.
Craig Ferguson
Prominent people are coming forward to attest to President Obama’s American citizenship. The Governor of Hawaii just said he first met Obama just days after he was born. He knew it was Obama, because he kept pointing to his diaper and calling for change.
Conan O’Brien
Queen Elizabeth met the royal baby yesterday. The baby cried, so Queen Elizabeth explained, 'You'll never have to work a day in your life.'
Conan O'Brien
Saddam Hussein was executed last week by hanging. Or, as they call that in Iraq, death by natural causes.
Jay Leno
The only way woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men--an old one, an ugly one, a Mandingo, and a gay guy.
Steve Harvey
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The piano has been drinking, not me
Tom Waits
The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they’ve granted President Obama full citizenship.
David Letterman
The trip to Washington, D.C., has actually been very educational for the Pope. You know, because he's only ever read about purgatory.
Jimmy Fallon

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