Barack Obama Jokes

Abe Lincoln, George Washington, George Bush and Barack Obama are sitting at a table at a bar.

They discuss politics and time travel.

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting

Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'"

Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"

Did you hear about the new Putin diet?

Answer: You let Obama eat your lunch every day.

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, “Listen Barack, I’m getting older and I’m having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?” Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. “Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."

Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?

Answer: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Hillary Clinton wears boxers. Bill Clinton wears briefs. Barack Obama wears thongs. What does John McCain wear?

Answer: Depends

How did Barack propose to Michelle?

Answer: He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."

How do you get Trump to change a light bulb?

Answer: Tell him Obama installed the current one!

How does Congressman John Boehner change a lightbulb?

Answer: Why change the bulb when you can blame it all on Obama?

How does Sarah Palin know that the world celebrated Barack Obama’s victory in the 2008 election?

Answer: She could see the Russians celebrating from her house!

How is Barack Obama ruining Christmas?

Answer: When he speaks he breaks up his Clauses.

Kanye West called Taylor Swift to apologize for sabotaging her acceptance speech at the VMA's.

Taylor Swift tried to accept his apology but Kanye West interrupted to say that Barack Obama had the best apology acceptance this year when he accepted the apology made by Joe Wilson.

In fact, Kanye added Barack Obama had the best acceptance of an apology ever.

Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.

Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, “Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in.”

God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?”

He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, “I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen”.
God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama , and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Hillary and says, “What do you believe?”
Hillary says, “I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I’ve always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American.”

God is greatly moved by Hillary’s high-pitched eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Trump and says, “And you, Donald, what do you believe?”

Trump replies, “I believe you’re in my seat.”

Other than health care what other promises has Barack Obama made to the American People?

Answer: Balancing the budget, reining in the banks and putting a unicorn in every backyard!

President Obama said today he is sticking with Joe Biden. Which means one of two things – either he thinks Biden is doing a good job or Hillary said no.

Prominent people are coming forward to attest to President Obama’s American citizenship. The Governor of Hawaii just said he first met Obama just days after he was born. He knew it was Obama, because he kept pointing to his diaper and calling for change.

The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they’ve granted President Obama full citizenship.

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.

What did Barack Obama tell Al Qaida after Osama Bin Laden’s death?

Answer: Don’t put your contact info on the Playstation Network!

What did Bruce Lee tell president Obama?

Answer: Flow like water never go stale...

What did Osama Bin Laden's ghost say to Mitt Romney?

Answer: Don't be sad, Obama's foreign policy killed me too

What do Barack Obama & Tiger Woods have in common?

Answer: They are both trying to screw everybody!

What do Barack Obama and Tiger Woods have in common?

Answer: They're both trying to screw everybody!

What do you call a party with Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton?

Answer: A blast from the past, present, and future presidents.

What is Donald Trump telling Barack Obama supporters?

Answer: Orange Is The New Black

What's the main difference between Romneycare and Obamacare?

Answer: The name.

Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden?

Answer: He didn't want any Bushes at the White House.

Why won't Mitt Romney become president of the United States?

Answer: After you go Barack, you never go back!

You know the Obama campaign’s in trouble when they’re looking to Joe Biden to turn things around.