When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, He doesn't get wet..the water gets Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
When Chuck Norris was a kid he saw a fat chick, he roundhouse kicked her so hard she transformed. She is now known as Britney Spears.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck said, “Say Please.”
When Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy, Chuck Norris caught the bullets with his own bare hands. JFK's head exploded simply because he was so overawed.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide.
When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
When Superman wants vacation time it has to be approved by Chuck Norris.
When Teddy Roosevelt said there is nothing to fear but fear itself he obiously hadn't met Chuck Norris.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When the zombie apocalypse stars, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive, the zombies do.
While learning CPR Chuck Norris actually brought the practice dummy to life.
Who do you think would win in a dance-off, Chuck Norris or David Hasselhoff?Answer: None. Chuck Norris can’t stand to see David Hasselhoff’s chest hair and both would consider it a contest for whimps. That would pave the way for Vanilla Ice winning against Steven Segal.
Wolverine has been called indestructible because of his adamantium skeleton... until Chuck Norris broke every bone in his body.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In reality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
“The Day the Earth Stood Still” is based off the one day in Earth’s history when Chuck Norris slept.
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