Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears! Are you ready for a collection of Julius Caesar jokes that will make you laugh like a Roman emperor? Our selection of silly, corny, and funny jokes about the famous Roman general and statesman will have you rolling on the floor. We've got everything from puns that play on his famous lines to witty one-liners that poke fun at his political ambition. Whether you're a fan of history or just appreciate a good joke, our collection of Julius Caesar jokes is sure to tickle your funny bone. And with quotes, riddles, and oneliners all included, there's something for everyone. So come on over and check out our collection of Julius Caesar jokes – because who says history can't be hilarious?
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar
One came, one saw, and one conquered.
Caesar and Brutus decided to have lunch together.
They meet in front of the restaurant and Caesar sees a big knife in Brutus' hand.
Why do you have a knife with you? he asks.
Brutus answers: It's for the salad later.
Caesar: Want to go see a movie?
Brutus: Sure which one?
Caesar: It 2, Brute
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?Answer: Hail Caesar
Do you why it's called a Cesarean section?Answer: Because Julius Caesar received the first one during his last visit to the Roman Senate.
How do you cut Rome in half?Answer: With Caesars.
How do you split Rome in half?Answer: You use a pair of caesars.
How do you turn a garden salad into a caesar salad?Answer: Stab it a bunch of times.
How does Brutus eat his salad?Answer: With a knife and Caesar dressing.
How does the Roman dictator know that the girl is wearing a red dress?Answer: He Caesar
How was Rome split in two?Answer: With a pair of Caesars.
I, Ceasar, when I heard of the name
Of Cleopatra, I straightaway laid claim.
Ahead of my legions, she conquered my regions,
I saw, I conquered, I came.
Julius Caesar and Brutus Walk Into a Movie Theater
Brutus looks at Caesar and says "Caesar, we should watch the movie sequel with the scary clown in it!"
Caesar ponders what Brutus is saying for a moment. "It Two, Brute?"
Julius Caesar bought a Google GPS and said, 'Youtube, route us'.
Julius Caesar walks into a bar...
He says, “I’ll have a martinus.”
Bartender asks “You mean martini?”
Julius Caesar replies “If I wanted more than one, I would have asked for it.”
Julius Caesar: ”Brutus, that’s a very nice dagger, is it new?”
Brutus: “Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe’s.”
So when are we going to kill Caesar?
At two, Brutus.
What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon?Answer: Can someone get me some dry socks?
What did Caesar say after he left the brothel?Answer: Veni, Veni, Veni.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?Answer: Toga-ether we can rule the world
What did Caesar say when his friend asked how many oranges he’d had?Answer: Et two, Brute.
What did Julius Caesar say after he made love to his wife?Answer: Veni
What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity?Answer: Veni, Vidi... Veni.
What did Julius Ceasar say when he experienced a stabbing pain due to his allergies?Answer: Achoo, Brute!
What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?Answer: Caesar salad
What did Shakespeare eat for lunch?Answer: Caesar salad.
What did the Senate say to Julius Caesar?Answer: You’ve got a lot of Gaul!
What do Julius Caesar and Pornhub have in common?Answer: Caesar started the group penetration trend.
What do you call a Chicken staring at lettuce?Answer: Chicken Caesar Salad
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?Answer: The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
What is Caesar's favorite drink?Answer: Orange Julius
What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?Answer: Caesar salad
What time is it Julius?Answer: 8:02 Brutus.
What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?Answer: Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered." Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?Answer: The Caesarean section.
Why did Dwayne Johnson never lose in the hand game against Julius?Answer: Rock beats Caesars.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?Answer: He wanted Mark Antony
Why did Julius Caesar want to quit politics?Answer: All that backstabbing was too much for him.
Why did the Roman woman never win Hide & Seek?Answer: Because Julius Caesar.
Why didn't Cleopatra believe her husband's story?Answer: Because she was the Queen of Denial
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?Answer: Because she lived in the Nile
Why was Caesar so loved?Answer: Because he was so rome-antic
Why was Julius Caesar looking for a job?Answer: He wanted to get away from all the office politics and back stabbing.
Why was Julius Caesar so well traveled?Answer: Because he was busy Roman.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?Answer: He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Why was Julius Caesar's phone bill so high?Answer: Because he was Roman.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?Answer: They always kill me.
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