Margaret Thatcher Jokes

First Thatcher dies, then Ferguson retires.

Somewhere there is a Scouser with a lamp and one wish left.

Gorbachev, Reagan, and Thatcher all meet God

God says "I'll answer one question from each of you."

Reagan asks "How long will it be before the American people are happy, healthy, and living in prosperity?"

God replies "50 years."

Reagan starts to weep, and says "I won't live long enough to see it!"

Thatcher says "What about the British people? How long until they're all happy?"

God says "100 years."

Thatcher starts to weep as well, saying "I won't live long enough to see it!"

Gorbachev asks "What about the Soviet people?"

God starts to weep, and says "I won't live long enough to see it!"

Margaret Thatcher dies and strolls up the pearly staircase to the pearly gates, where she is confronted by St. Peter, brandishing a clipboard. "Name," says St. Peter.

"Margaret Thatcher," she replies.

St. Peter checks through all the lists on his clipboard but cannot find the name of the former British leader. "I am sorry," he says, "you cannot come in. Your place is downstairs, in Hell. Mrs. Thatcher turns and walks down the stairs.

A short time later the phone rings. St. Peter answers, and a voice says, "Hello Peter, it is the Devil speaking. You will have to take that bloody woman after all - she is only been here for ten minutes and she has closed half the furnaces to reduce capacity."

Margaret Thatcher is out dining with her cabinet.

The waiter says, "What will you have?"

Thatcher says, "I'll have lamb."

"And the vegetables?"

"They can order for themselves."

Margaret Thatcher takes the cabinet out for dinner. The waiter comes along and asks her what she will be eating tonight.

Margaret replies, 'I'll have the steak.'

The waiter then asks, 'What about the vegetables?'

To which Margaret says, 'They'll have the same as me.'

Margaret Thatcher's final wish was to be cremated. Unfortunately, we've no coal left.

Ronald Reagan, Margaret Thatcher and Michail Gorbatjov are riding together on a plane. They fly over the Empire State Building and Reagan proudly boasts:

"See that? We built that in a few days from scratch!"

Then they fly over the Buckingham Palace and Thatcher proudly says:

"See that? That we built in a week!"

When they got to Russia and flew over the Kremlin they both looked at Gorbachev.

"Strange " he says "This...wasn't here yesterday..."

What did they put on Margaret Thatcher's tombstone?

Answer: Here Lies the Iron Lady. May she rust in peace.

What do you call an old, dead, bloodsucking leech?

Answer: Margaret Thatcher

What's an Irish swimmer's favorite stroke?

Answer: Margaret Thatcher's

What’s the difference between Boris Johnson and Maggie Thatcher?

Answer: One starved miners and one starved minors

What’s the difference between Whitney Houston and Maggie Thatcher?

Answer: Whitney died a tragic death and that cow is still alive.

Why did Cecil Parkinson resign from Margaret Thatcher's cabinet over the scandal concerning his illegitimate child?

Answer: He knew how much she disliked anything union-made.

Why is Margaret Thatcher like a pound coin?

Answer: She’s thick, brassy, and she thinks she’s a sovereign.