Oscar Pistorius Jokes

150 people died on a Germanwings flight because some selfish little cunt wouldn’t open a door. If only Oscar Pistorius had been on board.

Are we sure that Oscar Pistorius was the only one involved in the murder of his girlfriend?

Answer: Someone else may well have done the leg work.

Do you know what made Oscar Pistorius so angry at his girlfriend?

Answer: She was looking at another man's legs.

Ever play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game?

Answer: When your gf goes to the bathroom, you take six shots.

First Tiger Woods, then Lance Armstrong and now Oscar Pistorius. I think Nike should start telling their athletes “Don’t Do It”.

Have you played the Oscar Pistorius drinking game?

Answer: Every time someone goes to the bathroom you take four shots.

How are Manchester City and Oscar Pistorius similar?

Answer: They lost both legs, but still managed to get four shots on target.

It doesn’t help Oscar that “Pistorius” in Greek literally means “guy with no legs that kills girlfriend.”

It's a Oscar Pistorius' first day in prison; and here's there crying. An older convict sits down and goes, 'Look, calm down, prison's not such a bad place. Like, for instance, do you like movies?' And he goes, 'Yeah I like movies.' He goes, 'Every Monday we show a movie on the screen, first run movie.' He goes, 'That's great.' He goes, 'And you like baseball?' He goes, 'Yeah.' 'Every Tuesday we arrange a baseball game.' He goes, 'That's terrific.' And he goes, 'You like Italian food?' And he goes, 'Yeah I love Italian food.' He goes, 'In the cafeteria on Wednesday, it's all Italian food. Let me ask you one more thing. Are you a homosexual?' And he goes, 'No.' He goes, 'Eh, you're not going to like Thursday.'

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Bang Bang!
Bang Bang who?
Oscar Pistorius

OJ Simpson, Oscar Pistorius, and Scott Peterson walk into a bar...all 3 order a Bloody Mary.

Oscar Pistorious was asked what the most difficult time of his trial was..

He replied “Right at the start. when the judge said “all rise”.

Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name.

Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.

Oscar’s defence are claiming that prison would be unfair because he won’t be able to stand up for himself in prison. Literally.

Reeva Steenkamp didn’t notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.

Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Whatever you do, don't surprise
Oscar Pistorius

So, it looks like Oscar Pistorius is going to get away with murder.

That’s very disturbing news…

For my wife, who’s just gone for a piss.

The tragedy is that if Oscar Pistorius has no arms, this would never have happened.

What do you call a room full of dead people?

Answer: An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party.

What has four arms, two legs, and howls in the night?

Answer: Oscar Pistorius being raped by his cellmate.

What will happen to Oscar Pistorius in jail?

Answer: He will get f**ked up the ass.

What's the difference between England and Oscar Pistorius?

Answer: England gets off scott-free.

What’s the difference between Oscar Pistorius and George Michael?

Answer: Oscar Pistorius has only been arrested once for firing off a few rounds in a toilet.

What’s the quickest way to turn a blonde into a redhead?

Answer: Ask Oscar Pistorius

Why is the Oscar Pistorius case a breakthrough for handicapped people?

Answer: It shows that they are capable of anything.