O.J. Simpson Jokes

Alan Dershowitz has defended O.J. Simpson, Jeffrey Epstein, and Donald Trump

The stabber, the nabber, and the grabber

Did you hear about the new O.J. Simpson screen saver for Windows 95?

Answer: When it launches it hangs your system for a year.

Did you hear John Wayne Bobbitt called O.J. last night?

Answer: He wanted O.J. to know that he knows what it feels like to be separated from a loved one.

Did you hear OJ Simpson is getting remarried?

Answer: He decided to take another stab at it

Did you hear that Joey Buttafuoco went to visit O.J. in prison?

Answer: He told O.J. that he should have had his girlfriend do it.

Did you know that O.J. Simpson, Monica Lewinsky, Ted Kennedy, and President Bill Clinton are all avid golfers?

Answer: O.J.'s a slicer, Monica's a hooker, Ted Kennedy can't drive over water, and Clinton can't seem to hit the right hole!

How can you tell when a blonde is really dumb?

Answer: When she marries OJ Simpson.

Joke told recently in Judge Ito's's courtroom. One of O.J. Simpson's lawyers approaches his client. "I have good news and bad news," he says
"Which do you want to first?"
"The bad news," O.J. says.
"The bad news is that it is your blood all over the crime scene, that the DNA proves it."
"So what's the good news?" O.J. asks.
"The good news is that your cholesterol is only 130."

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
OJ
OJ who?
Oke you're on the jury!

OJ Simpson, Oscar Pistorius, and Scott Peterson walk into a bar...all 3 order a Bloody Mary.

What are O.J.'s favorite baseball teams?

Answer: The Red Sox and the Dodgers.

What are O.J.'s favorite movies?

Answer: "Death Becomes Her" "The Terminator" "Heaven Can Wait" "Blade Runner" "The Fugitive" "The Getaway" "Easy Rider"

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to OJ?

Answer: Slow down on the carving, I can't keep up!

What did O.J. say to Marcia Clark?

Answer: I'm innocent, I tell you. And, I've got the money to prove it!

What did Santa Claus bring O.J. for Christmas?

Answer: New gloves, a ski mask, a new hunting knife and a bottle of stain remover.

What do Marcia Clark and Susan Smith have in common?

Answer: Neither one got the Juice.

What do O.J. and Pee-Wee Herman have in common?

Answer: They were both arrested for abusing their loved ones.

What do O.J. and Tampax have in common?

Answer: They both come in white boxes and leave a bloody mess.

What do O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson have in common?

Answer: They are both missing a glove.

What do Shaquille O'Neal and O.J. Simpson have in common?

Answer: They both spend a lot of time at court.

What do you get when you cross OJ and Heidi Fleiss?

Answer: You get a fucking murderer.

What do you get when you mix O.J. Simpson, Dr. Ruth Westheimer and Tonya Harding?

Answer: Killer sex that will bring you to your knees!

What do you get when you put Lorena Bobbitt, Tammy Faye, and O.J. Simpson in the same room?

Answer: A butcher, a Bakker and a license plate maker.

What do you have when you have Helen Keller, Stevie Wonder, and the O.J. Simpson jury?

Answer: *Fourteen* people who can't see worth a damn!

What does Joseph Jett have in common with OJ?

Answer: One used a phantom trade, the other used a phantom blade.

What Halloween Costume is sure to scare the hell out of your ex-girlfriend?

Answer: An O.J. Simpson costume.

What is the difference between God and Johnnie Cochran?

Answer: God does not think that he is Johnnie Cochran!

What is the difference between O.J. and David Letterman?

Answer: There is absolutely nothing funny about David Letterman.

What is the NRA's new motto?

Answer: Remember guns don't kill people, O.J. kills people.

What was the first thing the jury forewoman said to Johnnie Cochran?

Answer: I expect that check in my account first thing in the morning!

What would you have if O.J. was put in a cell with David Koresh and Jeffrey Dahmer?

Answer: You'd have a complete breakfast: serial, toast, and O.J.

What's O.J.'s motto?

Answer: Life's a bitch, and then you stab one.

What's the difference between John F. Kennedy and Nicole Simpson?

Answer: We're not 100% sure who killed JFK.

What's the difference between O. J. Simpson and poker?

Answer: One has a full house.

What's the difference between O.J. Simpson and Christopher Reeve?

Answer: Christopher Reeve stood for truth, justice and the American way. O.J. stands for lies and injustice, the American way.

What's the difference between OJ and Homer Simpson?

Answer: OJ's family was more dysfunctional.

What's the difference between Rodney King and O.J. Simpson?

Answer: O.J. started out with millions.

What's the difference between Ryne Sandberg and O.J. Simpson?

Answer: Ryne lost his killer instinct and O.J. found it.

What's the difference between the Simpson trial and the Super Bowl?

Answer: Both had over 50 million viewers, but only one has seen a Buffalo Bill win.

What's the only thing worse than being married to Lorena Bobbit?

Answer: Being divorced from O.J. Simpson!

Who was OJ's marriage counselor?

Answer: Joel Rifkin

Who's the dumbest person in America?

Answer: OJ's next girlfriend!

Who's the most famous Los Angeles Dodger?

Answer: O.J. Simpson

Why can't Heidi Fleiss and O.J. play golf together?

Answer: Heidi Fleiss is a hooker and O.J. is a slicer.

Why did Chuck Woolery call OJ?

Answer: To match him up with Lorena Bobbitt.

Why did O.J. finally get out of the Bronco?

Answer: He saw Susan Smith and was afraid she was going to push him into the pool.

Why did the NFL choose to acknowledge OJ Simpson as a part of the top 100 players?

Answer: Because he really was a killer running back.

Why does Marcia Clark wear mini-skirts in court?

Answer: She wants to win the Simpson case on appeal.